a season of reflection

So, as spring finally peeps its warm and muddy head around the chilly winter corner, this usually becomes a time when people start feeling renewed, re-energized, and itching to "start a new season." This could mean the big spring clean at the house, or maybe a good garden cleanup, or maybe even a personal "cleanse" where you start to exercise more, get outside more, and get in shape for the sun-kissed summer months ahead. 

For Orthodox, springtime usually comes smack in the middle of our Lenten season. The Lenten season, or Great Lent, is definitely a time of reflection, more of self than other things, and renewal.  It is the time of anticipation before Pascha (Easter), the biggest, best feast day in the whole year.  The reason why Christianity exists in the first place!
So, why is it a reflection of yourself?  Why a "renewal" of sorts?  Well, the purpose of Great Lent is to deny yourself things that might take precedence in your life over the things that really matter, as in spiritually.  So, you deny yourself materialistic needs/wants/pleasures and focus on your inner self, your spiritual needs and most importantly, your journey to salvation.  It is a time to feed your soul, which (let's be honest here) is pretty much starving, or atleast very hungry, for most of the year. 

This isn't an easy task.  By far, I have always found Great Lent to be one of the hardest, yet most gratifying times of the year.   The services are so incredibly solemn, even Sunday liturgy is sung in a less "festal" way than the rest of the year, the food is meager (well, technically it should be but that's another blog post), thoughts are checked, activities are restricted and the general mood of an everyday Orthodox household becomes one of contemplation and quiet refection.  Now, I write this knowing full well that this is the ideal situation.  How many times (countless, really) have I said to myself  "hmm, this is probably not such a great idea to do during Lent" and still gone ahead and treated myself or not thought twice about whatever it is I want to do - wrong attitude? Yes.  Am I human? Yes.  But that's not an excuse.  Trust me.  

So, with all of this in mind, and knowing that the true meaning of Great Lent is to "deny oneself, as Christ did for us." How in the world do you do so with a 5 year old, and a 15 month old?  Are they too young to participate fully in Great Lent? I believe so.  But I do believe that they can try to contribute in their own small way to the season of fasting.  And I do believe that as parents, we need to lead by example so as my children do grow older, they follow in our (very humble and faulty) footsteps.  So what exactly do we do in our household?  I've come up with a few ideas that I'll share here.

First off, we don't make a giant deal of it.  We treat Great Lent not like a huge journey or a massive undertaking.  We treat it as a way of life - as an important part of the journey to Pascha and the ultimate reason for us being Orthodox Christians.  I explain it to my daughter as it's just something that we do.  Did Christ deny himself for us?  Yes.  So why can't we do the same for Him?

We read the Prayer of St. Ephraim every morning, except on weekends.  This is such a small, yet powerful prayer.  And the simple task of prostrating is such a beautiful way to show your ultimate humility before God that it really speaks to children.  My daughter was incredulous when she first started to read this prayer with me in the morning.  She looked at it like "exercise, mama." Well, I guess in a way, sweetpea, it is, but really it's about showing God that nothing is too hard for us to do for Him.  Including this small prayer  asking Him to cleanse us of our sins, have mercy on us and make us better. 

We create a spiritual map of the 40 days of Lent.  This is a wonderful way for my daughter to see what the Lenten season is all about.  What feast days are included and how each week has a different dedication, based on the Lenten calendar.  For now, we are just illustrating a makeshift calendar and colouring in the different dedicated Sundays but eventually we hope to turn this into a lesson and then in depth readings.  The older children get, the more detailed the calendar can be. 

Food in our house has only changed for my husband and for myself.  Our children don't fully fast yet.  My daughter does appreciate, however, and makes remarks about how our food is different and how she's glad she doesn't have to "eat that right now." Oh boy.  This will hopefully change!

Taking them to church on a regular basis (as services allow, based on when the local church we go to has them) is important to us.  Although my daughter is still too small to understand the  special meaning behind the services, she does catch on that there is something different to them, or that the feeling in the church is different to her.  The more exposure to these special services, including regular Sunday attendance, the better for her and eventually for my son too.  It is my wish for my children to feel at home in church, and to look around and say "this feels right." Rather than me telling them that it is so.

This year, I will also be encouraging my daughter to start thinking of others, and how she can become a better person by helping in some way.  She is 5, but she can come up with ideas of her own that I will help her with. Last year, she decided that "being nicer to Mama and Papa" was a goal of hers (bless her little heart).  We solemnly wrote it down and tacked it to our board in the kitchen as a reminder to her.  Every time she felt she was "nice" and we would agree with her (this was the important part, since every 5 minutes she'd think she was "good." We told her that it wasn't about when she said she was good, it was about showing us instead. So we had a lot of  "let's try again" moments) we would let her put a little checkmark beside her goal - in the end, she didn't win anything or get a prize for how many checkmarks she had, but it was more out of interest's sake to see if she could keep up with her goal for the Lenten fast.  Let's just say it was forgotten about after a few weeks of solid effort.  BUT at the end of Lent, we still addressed the board and showed her just how much she tried and encouraged her to keep it up all year round.  Some great ideas and goals for children can be found in a link at the bottom of this post. 

Paschal prep is always a treat too.  This is an exciting time for my daughter.  She loves to help make the kulichi (Russian Easter bread) and dip the eggs in their traditional red colour.  This I will leave to another blog post, however, since Pascha prep deserves one all on its own. 

And ultimately, the reading of Christ's journey to the Cross and His Resurrection is also very important throughout the Lenten season.  At 5, my daughter understands that Pascha is all about Christ and His Resurrection, but she doesn't quite understand the details of this.  The excerpts from the Gospel have been made into wonderful children's books that we will be reading this year.  I will include the link to the publisher of these little gems below. 

So, all in all, Great Lent brings on a spiritual season all on its own.  One of reflection, and understanding Christ's great sacrifice for humankind. 

May you all have a blessed Lent and may God bless you in your efforts!

Affiliated Links:

Lenten Calendar:
http://manymercies.blogspot.ca/2014/02/orthodox-lenten-calendar-printable.html

Lenten/Paschal books and activities: 
http://orthodoxchildrensbooks.com/eng/index.php/Paschal/View-all-products.html

Another fellow blogger's ideas for how to get children involved with Lent:
 http://www.theorthodoxmama.com/the-lenten-journey-ways-to-involve-children-in-great-lent/

Hello again.

How much time has passed since that last post to my dear daughter.  It feels like a lifetime ago that I have sat down and penned (typed) my thoughts for the world to see, or for myself to reflect on.  Is it laziness? Perhaps.  Is it getting caught up in life? Most likely.  Are these just excuses? Well, yes.  In a way. 
To get away from my writing, or blogging, for me is like taking a piece of my character and stuffing it into a closet for safe keeping.  It just sits there, day in and day out, not being used or made better.  So, here I am, dusting off this piece of me and giving it a good shake.  It is the first day of spring, after all.  Let's get some cleaning done!

Since that last post, our family has grown and a wonderful, rambunctious son has joined our crew.  He is every bit as scrumptious as my daughter.  Just add some "puppy dogs tails" to the mix and you have my little 15 month old toddling baby boy. 

My "baby girl" is all of 5 (AND A HALF she will loudly pronounce).  How time flies (so cliché, and so incredibly true).  She is as imaginative as she is strong-willed, and yet sensitive and so caring with others.  What a wonderful nature she has!

And since this last blog, I find myself 4 whole years older, and the people around me changed. Some for better, some for worse.  Some have left us, eternal memory! And some have been welcomed with open arms, as our son was  almost 16 months ago. 

So, where does this leave me with my blogging?  What direction am I going to take this in?  Well, the musings will continue, as the title and opening blog post suggest, but I would like to write more about daily life.  From a few different perspectives.  A mother's perspective, an Orthodox Christian's perspective, a woman's perspective, a baker/knitter/crafter's perspective, even from a teacher's perspective.  I am seriously considering changing the blog's name as it doesn't feel quite right anymore.  This I will have to contemplate for a while.  "Scattered Grace" was a title I have been mulling around in my head.  It just seems to fit so much better with where I am in life at the moment.  Not to say that I am scattered with my faith - although I feel that way sometimes, but it's more about finding grace in the most interesting places, and writing about them, as well as ordinary things. 
Anyway, it's something to think about. 

And with this, my first post of 2016, as well as the first one in over 4 years, I will end my musings and start afresh tomorrow.  So many ideas as to what to write about!  Stay tuned, "dear void." for more to come.  Sooner, hopefully, than later. 
God Bless!

eighteen months of love

This blog post I dedicate to my dear daughter.  She will be 18 months old tomorrow and (if this is not already obvious) is the light, joy and delight of my life!
I have pointed out many times in previous blogs, just how fast time flies by and this infant "milestone" is just one other proof of this well-worn statement. 
I have watched with wonder at my daughter grow from a tiny, helpless, squawking creature to a boisterous, lovable toddler that loves to bat her eyelashes at strangers and giggle when her papa chases her around the house. How incredible are the changes that occur in the first 2 years of life!  This baby who needed absolute love, devotion and attention for 24 hours a day, seven days a week is already cutting "purse strings" so to speak by showing her little independent ways.
She pouts when she doesn't get her way (with that juicy, bottom lip sticking out to the point where my husband and I have to stifle our laughter), she insists on doing most things herself, including trying to put on her own diaper and feed herself ever-messy soup. 
She communicates with every sense that she has - eyes glow and hungrily observe grownup ways, hands frantically gesture and touch all that is not allowed, ears listen raptly, catching phrases of mixed languages and laughter, mouth lisps baby words not  yet understood by her fellow man (unless you are her doting parents!), nose sniffs willingly to sweets baking in the oven, or scrunching in semi-disgust at an unknown cuisine put before her, and legs... oh those dimply, sweet baby legs! Running, walking, dancing, stomping all over the house to make a statement saying "Yes, I can!"
All these things, and add in a pinch of, well, more like a shovelful of personality and you have my scrumptious 18 month old - ready to face her teeny tiny world with her babysweet determination.

And on this "milestone" birthday, I ask God to protect my baby girl - to watch over her as she toddles determinately towards her future and to bless her with the knowledge that she is surrounded by love, hope and prayers, as well as unconditional trust in God and His saints for her wellbeing and happiness. 

God bless you my sweet baby girl!  We love you very, very much!

the gift that keeps on giving?

So in the true North American spirit of the season, I have found myself thinking, yet again, about how hours and days just seem to fly at this time of year.  By "North American spirit" I am mainly referring to our retail-oriented, materialistic selves that seem to get wrapped up tighter than a Christmas bow from the pressures of society to "buy buy buy" in order to feel like we've won the Christmas marathon.  That feeling that says "Yes!  I've done it again! Bought gifts for everyone, prepped all my food and it's only December 18th!" Now, I am not saying that I haven't been there "done that" either.  But that is what I am trying to get away from as each year sees me grow older, and more wary of what's really important in my life.  Now, I am positive that this blog can be tacked up with more than just a few others that discuss the "true" spirit of Christmas.  But to me - it's not just about Christmas.  It's about the whole "rush, rush, rush" mentality  that goes on year-round and gets us.... well, where exactly?  And why is it that retail/media/etc. have to rush us from one celebration to another before we blink an eye?  Is there such a thing as "relishing the moment" anymore? 

Today I looked at my daughter and thought to myself "how I wish I could stop time whenever I wanted to relish in her gaze, a laugh, a sigh, a 'fuzzy nuzzle' of baby hugs" ... to have a pause button on life would be the exact remedy for these wistful moments.  These moments turn into tiny blessings that fill our days with pleasant nuggets of memories we can pull out when we are having a "rat race" day.

I stop and think about my childhood memories of Christmas and what it meant to me.  Did I have those tiny blessings of memory back then, when all that really mattered to me was my Christmas wish list and what kind of cake my grandmother would bring for our Christmas dinner? I dig deep down and realize that, yes, I did have moments that I cherish to this day: The soft glow of candles in church on Christmas Eve that warmed my cheeks and heart as I listened to the choir joyfully proclaim Christ`s birth. The joyful sincerety of giving gifts and knowing they will be appreciated. 

The smell of gingerbread baking in my grandmother`s oven. The gathering of family to sing (in perfect harmony) the troparian (Hymn of the Nativity) before our Christmas dinner.  The caroling with a group of friends to those less fortunate than us, and seeing their delight as we sang and made their Christmas day so much more meaningful (NB: I will never forget the look on one elderly gentleman`s face when we sang for him. He was all alone in a tiny one bedroom basement apartment and offered us his only treat, Christmas chocolates, as an offering for our caroling.  My heart still aches when I think of him.  He is in my prayer book to this day.) 

All these memories and so, so many more, make me stop and proverbially smell the roses.  I really do think that God gave us memory to let us enjoy these true, pure moments.  I see it as a Christmas gift from Him to all of us.  We just have to appreciate it, like any other gift, for what it is and not take it for granted.  No, we don`t have a pause button, but we are most certainly blessed with these precious, sweet moments in time that make us go "Mm hmm!"



grateful solitude

It has been one of those days where life rudely whirls by you, shoving you out of the way without as much as an 'excuse me,' leaving you in its wake, wondering what just happened. 

And now, after brushing myself off and regaining my balance, I am relishing in that quiet moment between utter chaos and night time "beddy byes."  The Christmas lights are on, the trees are lit.  My daughter's prayers have been whispered and my husband is quietly reflecting on life in the cold outdoor air as he takes a brisk walk.  I am listening my 2011 Christmas CD of choice that doesn't seem so much Christmas-y, as "winter evening relaxation"  (last year's obsession and still on my top 5 list was Sarah McLachlan's Christmas CD) and am about to sit down and write this year's Christmas cards.  It's the simple pleasures like this that make me smile, sit for a moment... and just breathe.  In tune with my daughter's soft snoring through the monitor. And as I reflect back on the chaos of the day, I am reminded of a small moment that God blesses us with on occasion.

Today something special happened.  I found something very dear to me that I thought was lost forever.  It was my cross that I have had since childhood, along with a few icon pendants that each meant something to me worth more than any priceless gem I could think of.  It was morning, and I was getting ready for work.. the typical hectic day was ensuing.  As I carelessly pulled on a necklace that hung from my mirror, a flash of silver caught my eye.  I noticed my long-lost cross (going on 2 months) was hanging there on the mirror, underneath my necklace, in plain sight.  I must have put it there months ago, and somehow completely forgot about it - how I could have done this I still don't understand, since I only take off my cross when I shower...  anyway, to make a long story short, I fretted over this loss for months, only to find it now... I wonder at God's timing constantly.  Did He let me find it now because I needed to lose it to appreciate it? Did He let me find it now because when I lost it, I turned my prayers back to Him in earnest?  There are so many reasons why this could have happened.  I choose to think of it as God's will, and accept the fact that I was humbled enough to be able to have it back again. If you're Orthodox and wear a cross, or even if you just wear a necklace all the time, after a while you almost forget it's there.  I know I didn't think about my cross all the time.... so is that God's way of telling me that He's with us all the time, and we need to think about Him more often than just an afterthought? This question is more of a realization, actually.

 So, with this all being said, with the day being almost over, and with my cross safely back around my neck, I also whisper a few prayers, as my daughter did earlier this evening,  and thank God for the "rude and hectic" day, and blessing us with such lovely, reflective moments.

brave new world.

I am not your die-hard blogger.  I am not even really a "writer" per se.  I like to jot my thoughts down when the mood strikes.  If the mood isn't there then I feel like I am doing an assignment instead of releshing in the pure enjoyment of watching words come together to form a thought. 

The blog's title reflects the reason for my blogging and sharing.

Let's start with the love

I have decided to start this blog mainly for my daughter, who is 16 months of pure sweetness and also to allow myself to express a very new mother's thoughts and moments of this little creature that make me glow with pride, affection, and a love I didn't know existed until she found her way into this world.

Praise (which is first in my title for a reason):

The spiritual side of me also wants to relish in the written word.  I have always been an avid journal-keeper.  Mainly to jot down these moments of spiritual upheavel, upliftedness, uprising, and ofcourse, reflection.  It has pacified many late-turned-early hours when my mind would race and my soul would ache to be heard. I figure that a blog can also do just that, but also be able to share with others these wisps of revelation.  As an Orthodox Christian, I also believe that sharing thoughts can lead to others helping you or you helping them.  It really works both ways.

Forgive:

As I sit and write, and sip coffee and enjoy a moment of solitude I also think about the third word in my title: Forgiveness. Somehow, I have been blessed with the act of forgiving very easily.  For me, it has never been a second thought to tell someone "it's fine, really" ... " I forgive you."  And yet I find myself second guessing my reaction most of the time because others tell me that I should be stronger than that...I should "forgive" but not "forget..."  is there a difference?  I never could see one.  Yes, it comes easy to me, but sometimes I wonder if it's really in earnest and deep down inside I am still resentful. 

So with all this being said, I end my first "real" blog posting.  I send this out (to quote the lovely Meg Ryan from "You've Got Mail") "to the dear void."  Only, I don't necessarily want a response to any of these posts.  I just want reflection, contemplation and the satisfaction of feeling that my words have fed rather than starved. 

To you, my dear daughter, I dedicate this page.  Enjoy your mother's words.  They are not necessarily words of wisdom, but they are your mother's all the same.